"Love Waits," but only till about 22...

Macaulay Culkin married Rachel Miner at 17.

LeAnn Rimes tied the knot with Dean Sheremet at age 19.

Kate Hudson and Avril Lavigne married their ex-husbands at 21.

And Jessica Simpson famously tied the knot with Nick Lachey, at age 22.

Sure, celebrities are known for impulsive marriages - and even faster divorces - but is marrying so young, really an oddity in toady's young Christian circles? 

On my very first day of college, a nice group of students from 'Campus Crusade for Christ' helped me carry in my dorm room furniture. These young-attractive-collegiates, graciously lugged my crap back and forth for an hour. In return, they only asked for one thing: come check out Campus Crusade sometime. 

Fair enough. 

That Thursday night, myself and my roommate Lael, made our way for a young adult night with Campus Crusade. First we met the volunteers; alumni who came to host small groups and lead activities. Funnily enough, they met their future spouses at CC! And now they and their spouses were back in the special place they first made googly at one another - over the four square court. Pastor Dave was our second introduction. He and his wife Lil were also alumni. 

They fell in love over the crafts table. 

As you can imagine, a pattern emerged. Maybe this wasn't (primarily) a place to get a relationship with God, this was a place to get a relationship. Over the next few weeks I found out not only did these couples meet each other in college, they got married in college. None of the alumni were older that 22 when they got married. Some had hopelessly  (or nauseatingly) romantic reasons for their early nuptials: love at first sight, making their commitment official, tying the knot before they a year of missions in Africa, etc, etc... Others, however, were more candid. They wanted to have sex. 

Can you blame them? When premarital sex is off the table, the ticking hands of a relationship clock seem to move a lot slower. 

Which leads me to another question; when young Christian couples say their vows, are they saying "I DO" ? Or, "I DO... want to have sex." 

Eight of my friends from youth group, have also gotten married and had children before their graduations. Although their marriages seem to be healthy and strong, I worry about their future. Rather, pollsters worry. 

Elizabeth Gilbert, Author of "Eat, Pray Love," and "Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage," researched global and national marriage trends, to see what kind of commitment lasts the longest. Here's what she discovered;

"Women with college educations and careers who marry relatively late in life are the most likely female candidate to stay married…The younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to divorce later…Age 25 seems to be the magic cutoff point- couples who marry before that age are exceptionally more divorce-prone than couples who wait until they are 26 or older.”

As Ron Burgundy would say, it's just science! And this goes for EVERYONE. 

Right now the divorce rate among evangelicals is slightly higher than the rest of society. Is it because so many evangelicals are getting married too young? 

Another interesting fact Gilbert uncovers, is that arranged marriages are far more likely to succeed. Not only in longevity, but overall happiness with ones marriage. As westerners, we have a hard time understanding this. But it turns out that not only do arranged marriages last longer because of the traditional values supported by their cultures, but also because the bride and groom have lower expectations. Rather than expecting their spouses to "complete" them, as so many young idealistic folks do, they go into married life determined to make themselves happy. In the process, their significant others become what they were intended to be - enriching life partners. Each caring gesture comes as a welcomed surprise. An unexpected gift given without the expectation of reciprocation. 

“If you honestly want to have a society in which people choose their own partners on the basis of personal affection," says Gilbert,  you must prepare yourself for the inevitable. There will be broken hearts and broken lives. Exactly because the human heart is such a mystery…love renders all of our plans and all our intentions a big gamble.” (Committed, Gilbert)

I realize now, in retrospect, my experience with CC taught me more about the churches treatment of singleness, than marriage. Growing up I've been subconsciously learning being single is a temporary, regrettable, phase. Sure Saint Paul makes a case for the single life. But we know he's just a grumpy pharisee, who only stayed single because he was traveling on missions too much of the time. 
:::Insert sarcasm here:::

Families are also notorious enemies of singles out there. Every family reunion I dread the question all single girls over a certain age inevitably have to answer; "So, do you have a boyfriend?" 

 A few years ago my cousin, who has maybe been single 3 consecutive days in his life, found himself single for almost a whole year. You should have heard the gossip! "Maybe he's gay?" "Maybe he's dating someone he doesn't want to tell us about." Since then, I've always wondered what they think about me, the serial singleton: "SUPER SUPER GAY!" 

Well I'm not. But I am content being single. Maybe it's selfish, but I like not having anyone but God to orient my life around. I like that I can travel and hang out with guy friends without having to consult someone. Would I like to get married someday? Absolutely! But I have a LIFETIME to do that. 

I'm afraid a lot of kids my age buy into the lie that relationships complete you, that they redeem you. Only Christ can make us whole. When you ask your partner to play that role you're asking them to make a sacrifice Christ has already made. 

So come on 21 year olds! You can wait for the house with the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids... Because you want a marriage that will last. And it will last: because by the time you're ready you'll know yourself better, your expectations will be reasonable, and you'll be prepared for the effort it takes to make a marriage work. 

Let Love Wait a little bit longer...