What's that George Michael? We gotta have...

FAITH

"Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." 

-Exodus 14:13a,14

National polls show fewer people in the United States believe in the biblical God than ever before. Agnosticism and atheism are on the rise throughout the West, whereas the East is experiencing growing numbers of the faithful like never before. Even most of the people I know only use Christianity as an adjective. Worry, anxiety, stress, doubt, hopelessness and despair reign sovereign in the American psyche. Where has our faith gone? Are the days of trust and joyful anticipation behind us? 

I've found I can have great faith, in retrospect. I'm good at looking back on my life and acknowledging where God was at work. It's trust in the midst that trips me up. 

The general understanding of faith seems to be that it's natural response to trials, some people have it, some don't. But faith isn't an exclusive gift, it's a choice. When we acknowledge we are powerless and the situation is out of our control, the Holy Spirit prompts us to have faith; and we can either choose to receive it, or keep going on our own strength. 

The scriptures speak highly about faith. They say God rewards the faithful, that none who have faith will be disappointed, and even a very small amount of faith can change everything — or as the gosple says, 'move mountains.'

Yet as far as I can tell, we don't talk about faith very much anymore. I suppose faith can seem backwards or naive in a culture of science and self reliance. But the truth is even most scientifically minded individual has faith in something. Any plans we make for the future are an act of faith: faith that tomorrow we will still be alive, faith things will go on as they have. In Rob Bell's book, "Drops Like Stars" he talks about how suffering disrupts our plans: ex. he doesn't make it home from war, she says she never loved you, the boss takes the money and runs, et cetera, et cetera...The tomorrow we were planning on is gone, and now we have to imagine a whole new one.

For a while I felt like faith was a big melting pot of realism and hope. What I mean is, I felt like faith was a way of saying, "Ok, I'll settle for whatever you have planned for me." But actually I think faith is the outright rejection of that. It's the decision to trust that God is good and what you want is possible. I realize I sound a bit like "pastor"/self-help guru Joel Olsteen, with his calculating toothy grin and prosperity gospel promises. For the record, I don't think God will give me a million dollars  if I pray hard enough. But I do think God listens to the desires of my heart that are true, and good, and impact others. 

But faith isn't the reward, it's the waiting room. How will I live as I wait? 

Faith doesn't happen on Good Friday as Jesus dies, and it doesn't happen on Sunday when he is raised. Faith is Saturday. Faith is what we choose to believe in-between 'problem' and 'resolution.' 

I am the ultimate worrier. For some reason I get all superstitious: maybe if I don't say it out loud it won't happen! Maybe if I stop worrying then the universe will think I don't care and let it happen! It's pathetic I know... 

December of 2010 taught me a lesson, the hard way. It was the murphy's rule of months; everything that could go wrong, did. In the aftermath I had to learn how to live with consequences and create a whole new life from it. What was the lesson I learned, you ask? I learned, contrary to what I always thought, I can't save myself. I had to learn how to trust God in all things. 

Recently I had to put this into practice. No joke, it was scary as all get out. I had to be vulnerable, but convince myself everything would be ok. When my friends and family said they were praying for me, even if they weren't, I actually told myself "ok, let them hold this for a while. You can take a break." I said the same to God, which is as close to that "cast your burdens on me" thing I can imagine. I told myself if I didn't get the resolution I was hoping for I would figure it out. But for now... I will trust. 

I can't tell you how much freedom I have found in rediscovering faith. I know faith isn't an insurance policy for suffering, but just acting it out moves mountains. 

God, please continue to be faithful. I promise to be faithful as I wait, expecting the best you have to offer.